Today Larry did not go to his office at Global Financial. Today was a beautiful warm spring day. Today was the day he wouldn’t see Barbara the assistant manager at Global Financial. Today was the day he needed her not on the couch in her office but just to hold him in her arms.
Slowly Larry Barth left the Kingston Medical Center on Pine Street. He took a deep breath, stopped, then slowly started moving again, as if in a trance, inching towards the front door of the building. He was stunned, disoriented, trapped in a short screaming loud mind video that played over and over the scene in his doctor’s office. Larry tried but couldn’t turn off or edit what he saw and heard on his mind video. He stopped, “Should I go back? Maybe it was a mistake.”
He felt he knew what his doctor was going to tell him. Larry didn’t feel right for some time. a long time. He could hear his wife Louise pleading with him, “Go already. Go see your doctor. Stop being such a baby. Do you want me to go with you? I think that would be a good idea.”
Larry answered. “Under no circumstances, not a chance.” And his wife responded, “Of course not. You always want to exclude me from stuff that matters and by the way, your health is important to both of us and our kids. They worry about you. Strangers know more about you than your own family.”
Larry cut off the conversation. “Enough already.”
He had a feeling that there was something wrong and now he knew. He kept reviewing his diagnosis and his prognosis unable to change any of the bold print. It was a shock hearing the doctor’s words. Should he tell his wife or his kids what the doctor told him? Maybe he should wait. He could tell Barbara back at Global Financial. He needed to tell her, needed her.
As he left the Kingston Medical Center he walked towards Leopold’s Café. It sits in a valley surrounded by high-rise buildings. In good weather, the outside tables are generally crowded. It is the choice gathering place for the breakfast crowd before going to work.
Later in the morning and through the afternoon it was ‘host’ to patients who had seen their doctors at the Kingston Medical Center. They would often sit in thought, worried, fretting, perhaps planning what next or enjoying a moment of relief. Generally they paid little attention to the specially brewed coffee and famous tarts and pastries that the Café was known for. Many seemed stunned and Larry Barth was one of them as he thought about life behind and in front of him.
Larry went inside the café and ordered a large black coffee and a Schnecken. He laughed to himself thinking that the German name for sweet roll pastry sounded more like a word for snake. He went outside but the tables were full. An elderly couple got up and left a table meant for four leaving behind a woman sitting alone reading a book. Larry walked over to the table, and glanced at the title of the book, ‘From Another World’. He looked at her, coughed, and asked,
“Would it be ok to share the table? All the others are taken.” She nodded yes while hardly looking up from her book. He dreamed/thought, ‘How many more spring days do I have? A short film clip leaped into his mind screen, one that reminded him of when he was a kid. He looked up and imagined a dark plump cloud being pulled by a string and moving from right to left and then was gone and then the sun came out of the wings. Today was not a child-at-play day.
Plan. What now? Maybe today he should make believe it is Merry Christmas in the middle of May. Larry mumbled to himself ‘Shit. I think I have lost it. Stop thinking, catch your breath. Think of the cloud on a string and stop ruminating.’
Larry sat and placed the ‘Schnecken’ and coffee tray on the table. He thought, ‘Why did I think of the word for sweet roll in German?’ As his wife said to him, “Another Larry quirk of many. Thinks of words in foreign languages but can’t speak any of them fluently.”
Larry looked around with a vacant stare focusing on nothing. He started to gasp for breath and as he picked up his coffee his hands shook enough that some of the coffee spilled onto the table. He closed his eyes. He thought of Barbara at the office, waiting for him, waiting sitting him down on her couch in her office, and then the image of him resting his head between her legs, soothing sex and
The woman reading the book looked up and asked “Are you ok?”
Larry said nothing for a moment but then whispered, “No I am not OK. I am dying, dying, and now, I’m thinking ‘What now, what to do, time for what, and maybe if I talk about it to someone else, and what good would that do, no one can do anything, maybe just to witness, well….”
The woman interrupted, “So sorry, really sorry and I don’t know what is wrong with you, but giving up, should that be your only option and look don’t you think you should be talking to your family, wife, kids, friends, colleagues, but not strangers like me.”
Larry responded, “Sorry about the intrusion but when I sat down at your table I hadn’t planned to talk, talk to you, but it spilled out and you were there, and thought you had a kind face, attractive and then I thought, talking to a stranger makes sense and I don’t know what I am doing, and have been living with my verdict for less than 30 minutes and….I guess I have to just leave you alone.”
The woman glanced down at her book but then immediately looked up.
“I wish I could do something for you but am sure you should be talking to those close to you, someone who knows you. Doesn’t that make sense? Aren’t there things the doctors can do to keep death away from your doorstep.”
Larry mumbled, “Don’t want to talk to family or friends, not now maybe later. Maybe you can tell me I’m not going to die. Isn’t that right and that is ridiculous? I want to be remembered, that is what I want. Even though you don’t know me I wonder if you will remember me and what is your name, would you tell me that?”
The woman closed her book. “My name is Taylor and I won’t forget you, how could I? How often does a stranger you meet for a few moments tell you that they are dying? Hasn’t happened to me before, but I promise you I won’t forget you and what is your name?
“My name is Larry Barth and maybe I can tell you something about me and would you tell me about you, like family? Or what you do?”
“Larry, I don’t think that is a good idea especially since I have to leave and get back to my office and you should be talking to your wife, and do you have a wife?”
Larry then asked, “ok could you at least tell me what you do, nothing personal?”
The woman got up and put her hand on Larry’s shoulder. As she was leaving the café table she said, I’m a financial adviser at Morgan Stanley but I have to leave for an appointment with a client and I promise you I won’t forget you.” Taylor then slowly wandered off. She stopped halfway to her office building and looked back at Larry who was still sitting at their table. She stood there looking at him and before turning around to continue to her office and then stopped again and looked back. She saw a young couple standing near him talking to him. Larry talked to the couple and they responded as they pulled out chairs sat down and continued to talk to Larry. They sat back in their chairs. The young man got up and walked into the café. The man came back with a tray of 2 lattes and Danish pastry and then sat down. Larry started to talk to the couple who stared at each other and then reached for each other’s hand. They sat there for some minutes and they almost simultaneously looked at their watch. “The woman put her hand on Larry’s shoulder. Maybe she said something like “Good luck to you and we hope the best for you. We have to go.”
Larry sat where at the same table much of the rest of the day, stunned. He was joined by others briefly. It started to get cloudy. Larry again looked at a mind video of his life memories. It started to rain. Larry continued to sit and finally got up and stumbled away.