Second thoughts
A chapter in the Noah Saga.
(A transformation of the biblical Noah story)
Barth, 1971, Prague, said….. If you think what you just did was a mistake then just wait awhile and it will turn out that you were right
The German Land Lizard saw that Noah couldn’t stop laughing as he skipped past him on his way to his cabin. By that time Noah got there he had a chance to think about what had happened. He was furious. He again thought, ‘’How can Ark animals be so naïve to have been taken in by such an absurdity perpetuated by a professional scam artist?’
He couldn’t stop laughing as he sipped his favorite brandy so it some of the Bavarian schnapps dribbling out of his mouth and into his lap.
Earlier, just before lunch, the Robo Horned Vose stood outside the dining room door. He was wearing his polyester monk’s robe. Some of the animals that were drifting by noticed that in his right hand he was cradling a small rock and several nickels. Under his breath, or was it to the side, he said to himself, “Wow. I wonder, no can’t be but maybe, just maybe…”
Before he could finish his mini thought the beautiful cutie Nack Var asked the Vose “What are you looking at?”
Vos answered “Sweetie, I can believe what I see but eyes don’t deceive most of the time. The Robo Horned Vose has in his hand a rock and a bunch of nickels and ….don’t pass this on….I think that rock is nickel ore and that is no doubt where the nickels come from.”
Nack Var asked Vose, “is that rock, the rock you have in your hand, nickel ore?”
The Robo Horned Vose whispered, “Shhhhhhh. Not so loud.” He pulled his robe tighter around his middle. Don’t repeat this but yes, it is nickel ore.”
He held open his hand and said, “I am holding nickel ore and when I rub it I get nickels.” He repeated what he said in a louder voice. “I am holding nickel ore and when I rub it I get nickels.”
Nack Var was stunned, dazzled. Other animals heard what was said and moments later other animals stood around Vose and stared at the ‘magical’ nickel ore. The Crested Star Gazer asked “Do you have any more nickel ore and can you perhaps, please, like pretty please, part with some of them?
Vose didn’t say anything. He thought and thought and then said to the Star gazer, but also to the other baker’s dosen animals standing nearby, “OK. No pushing, no shoving …well ok…I can get you some additional nickel ore but it has to be a trade, my rocks for some of your treasures.” The Star gazer asked, “what kind of treasures?” and Vose responded, “well how about some of your jewelry, or maybe a classic t-shirt, golf clubs and I would even consider some goodies like dried smoked sausage or candied slices of dried mango or even herring in wine sauce. Bring back what you want to trade in a paper bag and I will perhaps give you one of my precious pieces of nickel ore.”
Without bothering to go to lunch the animals all ran off to their cabins and then rushed back with their bags of goodies. In the meantime, the Vose went down to his cabin and gathered up a bunch of little rocks.
The animals jumped up and down with joy as the exchange took place. Vose emphasized several times that the nickel ore won’t work without vigorous rubbing and it has to be at the right time of day, and above all, always wash the ore rock with soap and water before you start rubbing …and remember counter clockwise rubbing. The animals nodded and then skipped off with their rocks, rubbing the ore as they went. Lunch could wait and who needed to eat when you have nickel ore.
Vose walked away. He looked inside each of the bags, smiling and saying to himself, “Wow am I good. No wonder Noah recruited me the official weather man on the Ark.”
Noah thought more about the iron ore stunt, and didn’t think that was just a funny prank. He imagined how badly the animals that traded for nickel ore felt when they ran off to keep rubbing and then finally realized they had been had. How stupid they must feel, how ashamed around the other animals having fallen for such a stunt. Noah assumed that by now they were also very angry.
Noah went back up on the main deck of the Ark looking for Vose. There he was sitting at a table sorting out the haul of goods given to him by his fellow Ark animals. Noah walked up to him tapped on his horn, “We have to talk but not here. Let’s go down to my cabin.”
As he entered Noah’s cabin Vose started to sing in low voice, “Don’t know why there is no sun up in the sky? Stormy weather.”
Noah was clearly irritated, “Cut it out. I don’t need a weather forecast right now.” To which Vose remarked, “Come on. Don’t you have a sense of humor?” and then Vose started to cough and sneeze.
“Noah, I feel lousy and it would help if I could make myself a cup of hot tea with honey. Could you make that for me? Noah stared at Vose and said “Make it yourself.”
Vose got up slowly, coughing away, took a cup out of the cupboard and boiled up some water poured it into a cup added a smoky black tea, his favorite. He asked Noah, “Where is the honey” and Noah pointed to a shelf on the far wall of his cabin.
Noah was furious.
As Vose sat sipping his tea Noah, gritting his teeth, said, “I want this to be brief. You were recruited to be a weather forecaster and a mood lifter, not a predator, a reptile that could sweet talk animals, lift their outlook and ….”
At that moment the whole Ark was lifted up by a huge wave and came crashing back down into the sea and then started to violently roll from side to side.
When the screams of some of the animals on the top deck finally subsided Noah continued.
“I won’t review all of your destructive nasty stuff you have unloaded on all of us from the moment you arrived on board. Oh, and by the way, Striped Journalist Macaque has kept a detailed record of your devious, toxic, mean spirited garbage you have spread around the Ark. This last stunt you pulled pales in comparison to the rumor campaign you started about me, about an affair I was having with the Muted Stripped Jungle Cat, and telling some of the animals that I was incompetent, that I heard voices and that I was a phony, and….
Vose interrupted, “Phony, we are all phony. Did you know that the German Land Lizard told me that you were in stitches when you heard about my nickel ore experiment, yes experiment You assumed that I would keep the treasures I got in exchange for my rocks? Would never do that. You laughed at my ‘stunt’ and only now are indignant. What do you make of that Mr. Noah.”
Vose started wheezing and coughing again.
Noah, didn’t want to hear anymore. “Get out of here. Out, now.”
Vose replied, “Can I finish my tea?”
“No”.
Noah knew that Vose was nasty but also clever enough to sabotage the entire Noah’s Ark project. Noah thought, Would the Hohum and the Star Gazer have any ideas about what to do about Vose?
Noah continue to ruminate about Vose but then turned his thoughts to the Prince, who should have been called the bungler. The Prince didn’t do his homework and left the Ark with a gift wrapped Vose, tied with pink and blue bows. Why didn’t the Prince get a better picture of who he was recruiting for the Ark? What made him choose that trickster? He had a well-known record of deceit throughout Medina. How could he have concluded that Vose’s bullshit could sooth a boat load of scared animals?
Noah realized that he should have known better than to trust the Prince’s judgement having recruited the wrong twin sister to be the figurehead queen. Now we are stuck with another Prince gift, a silly nilly girly girl twin who has no manners, grace and bad breath. It should have been clear that the was incompetent when he couldn’t even classify ravens correctly.
Noah stopped dwelling on what was and thought about what now. The Prince screwed up and now he is the one who had to fix what is broken.
He asked the Star Gazer and the German Land Lizard to find the Prince.
And so, the Lizard and Star Gazer along with the Prince joined Noah in his cabin. The Prince sat slumped down in his chair and couldn’t look at Noah. He kept repeating, “My mistake and I am sorry, very sorry and I wish I could ….”
Noah stopped him. Sorry doesn’t work. As to fixing things by trying to change Vose is ridiculous.
There was silence. While the Lizard and Star Gazer sat there saying nothing the Prince kept squirming and mumbling sorry this, and that.
Noah said, “OK, now what? What to do? Any ideas.” Then Noah had a thought that actually frightened him. Could he possibly suggest, or imply or…..could he mention…?
Noah stopped thinking and said, “Why do some of our best animals disappear and we are stuck with the like of Vose. Terrible. Stunt Turn Pecker should never have been standing by the rail during that especially nasty storm.
The Prince, along with the Lizard and Star Gazer, were stunned by …. and they each thought ‘what was Noah suggesting. Was he implying….no, but….’
Noah tried to plaster over what he had said. “Look, let us think about what to do. Think hard and you all know what is at stake.”
They all nodded but were shocked at the subtle, maybe not so subtle implication of what Noah implied what the Prince might do to solve the Vose problem. What does it mean that they understood what Noah had said aloud.
\After they all left Noah realized he should never have brought up how the Stunt Turn Pecker might have been washed overboard. What would the Prince have made of being reminded of the Pecker’s demise and on top of that the Star Gazer and German Land Lizard also heard what I was implying, implying what?
