The dog park
Who knows what brings couples like Shelia and Jim Hasting stay together. Then the question, why do they stay together? I don’t get it and the answer is so what. Is that question at about the same level of complexity as why do you like bitter chocolate and can’t stand milk chocolate wrapped around carmel.
There is nothing subtle about Jim Hastings. Ask him a question or make a request and he will give you an answer whether you like what he has to say or not. He doesn’’t care and marches only to his musical background and ignores the music of others. His wife Shelia is more hesitant and compliant. She wants to make Jim happy even at her expense. Sound familiar?
Shelia has wanted a dog, a companion for some time. Once again, she asked, questioned, is it pleaded, “We don’t have kids so why not a dog?” Jim gave his standard answer. “You want a dog get a dog. Get a dog you, you, not me, take care of the dog.” Shelia knew that was what he would say.
She brought home Boris, a beautiful loving black lab that had recently left puppy stage. He quickly bonded with her. Why not. Boris was in a haven of treats and lots of petting and hugs. Jim ignored Boris and Boris didn’t have much to do with Jim. He knew his customers.
Shelia and Jim have been married for 7 years and live separate lives together. Jim would remind Shelia that she was a wonderful woman but did so as an aside. Shelia was more passionate about Jim and found him attractive, even sexy. She admired Jim from the first time she met him despite what she knew who he was. Shelia knew Jim was tough, distant, rather cold, and unapproachable except in little ways that didn’t matter.
Shelia first met Jim when she registered for his workshop ‘You’re Your Money in the 21st Century’. What a title. The workshop was sponsored by one of the largest financial houses in the world. The tuition wasn’t cheap, $1500 for 5 two-hour evening sessions, There were 20 people enrolled in the workshop that turned out to be a dramatic, often contentious, introduction to the world of finance. It was not the kind of workshop where people could stay passive as they learned about the art of investment in a complex world. Jim engaged his students sometimes in ways that made them uncomfortable. Shelia thought he was a brilliant and extraordinarily demanding teacher. He assigned homework and if it was not completed students were treated to his disdain and wrath. Participants in his workshop were intimidated when they asked questions or made comments. He pointed out “Better to be embarrassed than broke.” He seemed bigger than life and Shelia found him to be incredibly attractive but also scary. After years of being married to Jim, she still struggled to understand the basis of her unconstrained attraction and always came up with, ‘I don’t get it.’ Why would she?
Shelia had just bought a new outfit. Once again, she wanted, needed, Jim’s approval. She thought that Jim would find her attractive in her new dress. Shelia walked over to Jim, “What do you think? Do you like it? Does it look good on me?” Jim looked up from his computer screen. Shelia asked, “Well?”. Jim looked back at his computer and then looked at Sheila again. “It looks good and the colors work and the skirt is just short enough to get some of your work colleagues to notice. I have to add that the blouse and tight skirt might not be you but maybe someone else. Not sure if it works but then again you are the one to decide, right?”
Shelia thanked Jim and went back into the bedroom with Boris at her heels. Once again, they were together alone.
Jim was busy doing what he does every day on his computer as a day trader which is to sometimes take a playing chess against some unknown opponent. He was always busy on his computer. In addition to managing his investments, he also directed a Zoom class on game theory applied to everyday life.
As their early morning synced ritual Jim did his 3 miles of jogging while Shelia took Boris for his morning walk. When they returned they sat down for breakfast sitting across from one another. Each of them would read a part of the newspaper while in the background the TV chattered away ignored by both of them.
Sheila would clear the dishes and then leave for the home office of ‘Signal’ a large ad agency. Her job there was to do a bit of everything including layout, writing scripts, and working with a team that developed new ad campaigns. She liked her job and the people she worked with. It was an intense work environment but less stressful than living with Jim. Often she thought “Can I continue to live like this? Why am I subjecting myself to so painful a relationship? Why do I feel so worthless when I am around him? I can’t imagine him being a father to a child of ours so I guess deciding not to have kids was a good decision.”
Boris brightened her life. Shelia knew that her black lab loved her, and loved being with her, and then she would anthropomorphize and add that Boris admired who she was and was proud to be her dog, hers.
She and Boris looked forward to their hurried early morning walks and leisurely late afternoons in a nearby dog park. The dog park was just a few blocks from her condo. Once there, she enjoyed watching Boris and the other dogs playing together. She also got to know other dog owners at the park and one of them seemed to be always there when she was there. Boris and the dog park lifted her mood even when the weather was dreary.
It was a very diverse bunch of dog owners who were regulars at the park. There was an old guy who walked bent over and with a cane that came with his mut little tiger. When he got to the park he took off Tiger’s leach and watched as he terrorized the other dogs, most often dogs many times his size. There was a bag lady who brought her spaniel to the dog park. She always brought along a large bag filled with pieces of bread. She would annoy everyone by feeding the bread to the pigeons, pigeons who called the park home. The dogs would happily chase the pigeons ignoring the angry shouts of everyone sitting around the dog play area. There was a middle-aged man with a basset hound who always had a sour expression on his face He seemed bitter and snarled at anything that moved, other dogs and people.
She got to know some of the regulars at the dog park. One of them was there almost every time she was at the park. They introduced themselves. His name was Werner. She learned that he was in his late 30’s originally from Germany and was married to Eve. They too had no children. Werner taught Modern European History at a small liberal arts college at the edge of the city. Eve was a senior manager in a large real estate conglomerate and was often away for many days at a time. She was a dynamo manager and it was Eve who came up with the catchy slogan for the firm, “We build communities not houses”
Shelia and Werner would often sit next to each other and watch their dogs at play. Werner’s dog was a good-looking young Weimaraner who seemed to get along particularly well with Sheila’s Boris. They started to talk about their lives, their spouses, their jobs, and then about their unhappiness. It all flowed naturally one new disclosure opened the door to others.
It was cooler than usual the day Werner spent time telling Sheila about the highlights of his romancing Eve. “I guess looking back at our earlier time together I entertained Eve. She loved hearing my rendering of stories about pre-World War I Paris, the Weimar Republic, the life of people like Gustav Mahler, Stravinsky, and Kandinsky, the impressionists, and the defeat of Russia by little Japan in 1905. He started to bring along a guitar to the dog park. Sheila loved hearing him play the guitar and sing her folk songs. Slowly she no longer was interested in his history lessons or music. Werner made it clear that he wasn’t thrilled that he ended up teaching in a small college with no ambition to move on to bigger and better things. On some occasions, sheila would remark, “I bet your cute coeds love your history stories. Maybe that is what keeps you glued to the college”
Shelia told Werner about her ‘wunderkind’ Jim Hastings and how he became a formidable player on Wall Street. He made good use of what he learned about game theory. He even got to publish some scholarly papers on the subject. Shelia was awed by everything Jim did and he often enjoyed the opportunity to manipulate her and to see what would happen. People thought he was a genius but also a cold prick, funny combo, cold prick.
Over weeks Shelia and Werner looked forward to seeing each other. For both of them, it was their therapy hour, or more accurately their 20-minute therapy hour. Shelia told Werner, “You know I feel good about who I am around you and I don’t even know you but that is no longer so. Shelia would try and reassure Werner “Maybe your wife isn’t having affairs when she is away on a real estate project. You feel that can easily be the case is what matters. Right?” Werner responded immediately, “Right and you immediately grasped that, that it is how I see my relationship with Eve and what that implies about how she sees me.” Werner added “And here we are stuck, free but not. We don’t have kids but we imagine we are trapped which may not be true but it doesn’t change that I feel trapped. What makes it so much harder for us to change what on paper should be relatively easy? All I have to do is walk away. No kids to worry about just our own lives. I guess all of us can get trapped in our history of automatic habits and ideas, associations, and reactions leaving us paralyzed even though we are not. I am as stuck just like you. I can pontificate, and play philosopher but that is bullshit because my words don’t get translated into action.
Shelia tried to reassure Werner, “Don’t beat up on yourself and that goes for me too.
Over the next many weeks that spring into summer their meeting at the dog park became ever more important and even took over their attention even more than watching their dog children Boris and Lilly running around and playing with other dogs. They became addicted, yes addicted to their time together, to escape their unhappy marriages.
One day it started to rain after they got to the dog park. They were ready to run off and go home when Werner said, “Would you consider coming over to my place until the rain lets up? Shelia looked at him and said nothing but then said “Werner, would love to but don’t think that is a good idea. Also, have to get home and make dinner also….let me stop there.” Werner responded, oh well, I understand, and maybe some other time or in another life.” Shelia laughed and repeated, “OK, in another life.
The next time they saw each other Sheila asked, “What now? What do we do with all this? We have become dependent on one another and do I dare say this, and yes have to say, we are like lovers who aren’t but are. I know this is kind of dangerous but, do something for me, touch me, touch me as if we are lovers and that may be ok since no one would see you reaching underneath my sweater or see your hand slip under my skirt and what am I saying and I know full well what I am saying and I know that what I am asking is dangerous, dangerous because both of us know that this will lead us further and further down some path and I need to ask you, do you find me attractive, do you want me, like I know I want you, and I want to say fuck me but I can’t say it. I wish I ….Werner took Sheila in his arms and held her, just held her and said nothing. No one at the dog park seemed to notice or maybe they did and they didn’t care.