The old Bow-legged Antelope: A Noah Saga story

The old Bow-legged Antelope

Why did Noah recruit an oldie to join the younger animals on the Ark? He told his recruiter, The Prince from Minsk “Get us one animal that can teach us about aging. I don’t want someone who can talk about aging but instead can show us what aging can look like. Also, remember screen well, no one with dementia and make sure that oldie isn’t an alcoholic and I know you know about heavy drinking so make sure you use your nose.”

The Prince from Minsk replied, “Yes, boss.” He got on his horse, Louie, who hated the Prince but so what, that is another story. In no time at all he found just the right oldie, an elderly mathematician, who was known as the Bow-legged antelope. He lived in a shabby cottage in the tiny village of Eppingham in Upper Medina. The Prince was delighted when he heard that the town produced some of the best Schnaps in all of Medina.

The Prince made his usual pitch…”Be warned and no kidding, A great flood is about to swallow up Medina. You have been chosen to be saved if you join Noah on his Ark. Here is a brochure that can tell you more about what Noah has in mind. I’ll come back tomorrow to find out whether you want to join our amazing cast of characters. Your name and our mission will be immortalized in a book of stories, called the Noah Saga”

The old Bow-legged antelope didn’t hesitate. “Sounds like a golden opportunity, and who would not want to be rescued even without reading the fine print in your brochure.

The Prince shook the Antelope’s hoof. “Good for you, but maybe, I don’t know, maybe, not for the other animals on the Ark. I guess they should be scared by what they see so they can prepare. Any way no doubt you have lots to teach the animals about aging.

What he didn’t tell the Prince is that he was devasted by his experience of aging.

Poor Antelope was devastated by what aging is like in the thin-skinned flesh. Sad. Desperate. Yes, desperate. Shocked and shouldn’t have been. The Bow-legged Antelope would often mumble under his breath, “My body has betrayed me. Who could have imagined that aging would be like this? I remember what life was like when I was young and now just memories, bright ones as while my now days are grey.”. Will I end up as the poster child, child, ha, ha, for aging posted all over Noah’s Ark?

Some days, the Bow-legged Antelope couldn’t get out of his bunk. He would tell himself, “What’s the point?”  He hated his cane but couldn’t walk around the Ark without it. He kept having to ask, “What did you say?” The outstanding snitzengrubben prepared by the Ark’s chef tasted flat. He had lost his appetite for most of his former goodies. He needed glasses even to read the Ark’s dining room menu. He looked the way he felt. He was not much fun to be around, so most of the animals on the Ark avoided him. They felt sorry for him, but there is a limit to what empathy would allow.

If the Bow-legged antelope ever came across the aging god, he would trip him and not help him back on his feet. He might even kick him, gently, and tell him, “I didn’t deserve what you have done to me. “

Flash forward to the time the Ark had left the island of Medina with it complement of people disguised as animals, including, of course, Bow-legged Antelope. It had been a dramatic escape, and reality moved at a slower pace with lots of wind, rain, and a rough sea.

On this yet another stormy afternoon the young and vigorous  Randy, the striated goat, and the soft-skinned rhino were sitting together in the Ark’s game room/lounge. After playing a game of chess, which, the Rhino again won, they talked about the poor antelope trying to figure out what could breathe some life into the old guy.

The Randy striated goat shook his head and horns and said,  “Oh no. Is this what we have to look forward to somewhere between here and there? Imagine being as old as the Antelope.” Along came the Lark elk, bouncing along, interrupting the conversation. The goat and rhino simultaneously told the Lark Elk to get lost. “Our discussion is not for immature young Lark Elks.”

The Lark Elk responded, “au contraire. I’m not stupid or immature, young, yes, but not simple.” ” The soft-skinned Rhino laughed, We’ll be the judge of that, and don’t give us your affected French airs.  What are you trying to say?”

The Lark Elk said that he had an idea that might get the Antelope of his old butt and into a more active place. Look, he was recruited to teach us about aging, not to talk about it, but to demonstrate what aging could look like. Why not invite the Bow-legged antelope to provide us with an aging performance at one of our Wednesday evening get-togethers right after dinner? Instead of scientific talk about aging by the Inflated Pink Elephant, let the Bow-legged antelope show us aging in action. He would be a star for the evening. We might even get the bassoon player to accompany his performance with some of his music.”

The three animals together went first to Noah with the idea. Noah smiled. “Sounds like a bit of a joke, but maybe a cruel joke. Then again, the Antelope can see himself as a performer and enjoys doing his act, which would not be an act.

Noah was the one to ask the Bow-legged antelope if he would be willing to show us aging in action…a performance of aging in action. “Look you might find it fun being the star of the evening. Also, it might work out that when all the animals see your act they would appreciate you more, have you part of the fun and games that happen all the time. Their empathy might be turned into action, making you a part of the Ark activities.”

The Bow-legged antelope didn’t have to think long about the proposal. He said with enthusiasm, “I’m in.”

Wednesday night came after Tuesday night. All of the animals had eaten dinner which this night consisted of sweet and sour cabbage, pickled beets, baked squash and a wonderful pasta dish with an Alfredo sauce laced with cherry tomatoes and generous amounts of garlic. It was agreed that no meat dish would ever be served since that would be an insult to the chickens, and goats, and geese,  and rabbits, and no doubt you get the picture. You would have to be a killer to eat one of your own. Desert was an animal favorite rhubarb pie. This pie also included gooseberries. The animals somehow like the super tart taste that makes them almost swallow their tongue.

Dinner was done, and finally calmed down and the animals were all seated after running around engaging in their silly food fight game.

The staging for tonight’s performance by the Bow-legged antelope was simple. On the ‘’stage’ were several kinds of empty chairs, including one with armrests; there was a podium, a table, with a sprinkling of some dishware; clothes, including a jacket that were draped over one of the chairs. Also, there was a sawed-off staircase with 4 steps and a railing on one side. The bassoon player, in the guise  of the Crested Star Gazer sat off stage to the side of the front of the dining hall. While waiting for the show to begin she was  pruning her feathers.

After an enthusiastic introduction the show began.

First, the Bow-legged antelope demonstrates how hard it was to get out of a chair without using his arms and hands to assist him. He showed that without holding on, for example, an armrest, getting up out of a chair is hard and frustrating.

The Bow-legged antelope smiled as he heard applause. He then struggled to put on a sports jacket. It took many minutes to somehow get both arms into the sleeves of the jacket.

Once again, he was delighted to hear the applause. He then showed how hard it was to wipe off the spaghetti sauce on his shirt. He told the audience that the sauce dribbled down onto his shirt during dinner.

The Bow-legged antelope picked up a glass of ginger beer from the table in front of him, and it tilted, and some of the liquid ended up on the floor. He did mention that ginger beer was a terrific beer substitute and urged some of the animals to try it.

The Bow-legged Antelope then announced, “I will now stand on one foot for as long as I can.” First he was standing on one foot for perhaps two seconds when he had to reach for something that would prevent him from falling. “Ok. Maybe I will do better standing on my other foot. After a second he was done. The audience applauded and the Bow-legged Antelope took a bow.

He then urged the animals in the audience to challenge him with tasks that might be hard for someone to perform. Unfortunately, a request had to be repeated several times since he would often say, “What did you say. Can you repeat that” This was annoying for many of the animals who would often respond with “Never mind and even more often with “damn it, speak up”

During the entire performance, the Bow-legged antelope played the bassoon, choosing music by Mozart, and his arrangement of ‘There is no sun up in the sky. Stormy weather.’

Some of the animals started to leave the dining room as the Bow-legged antelope continued to demonstrate how hard everything had become for him. He said, “I am looking for an adventure, an adventure in an aged world. What I got was a body that stopped working the way it used to. Can’t even enjoy dancing in our dining hall. My knees.”  He continued telling the animals about typical awful happenings in his life, the drooling, the frequent visits to the bathroom at night, his chronic fatigue, and he kept on and on. The audience of animals had heard enough the dining room  was almost empty.

The animals chatted among themselves about what they had heard and seen from the old Bow-legged antelope. One common response to the performance was, “I’m not going there. Not going to happen to me.”

Some of the animals did ask each other, “What can we do to make the Bow-legged antelope happier, more upbeat. We can’t make him young again, but what might make him more comfortable being an old antelope. “Ok. Let’s think about it….and at least get him to spend less time alone, mopping.”

Days went by with little changing in the life of Bow-legged antelope. Nothing much had changed in how the animals treated him. He continued to be ignored, although he did impress on all the animals what it was like to be afflicted with aging. Nothing changed for the Bow-legged antelope.

Two days later, the community of animals was shocked by what happened. It turns out that the Bow-legged antelope was seen leaning on the railing of the Ark, staring into the dark waves that surrounded the Ark. The no one saw him again. He was nowhere to be found.